Joyful Pain

A baby comes to live among us and covers my heart in entirety. Its cries entering the world echo my own uncertainties as I cling to the life I need to know. And somehow I become more alive, letting the baby into my soul and opening to the risk that accompanies love. Beautiful saving and I'm not the rescuer.

And he was torn away from us even as he embodied salvation. The pain of rebirth is to difficult to come to terms with. And the time you left felt like an eternity, us clinging to the promise that you would come back and make it whole.

And you came back like you promised, saving the whole earth and making us right. Peacefully captivating my heart in brilliant ways, rebirthing humanity in the joyous painful saga of your love.

The word of the prophets speak loudly--You have prepared a way in the wilderness.

Give Thanks

Give thanks to the LORD
His love endures forever
He has healed and saved and proclaimed
His love endures forever
He lifts me high above the hills
His love endures forever
He protects my mind and my body
His love endures forever
He provides shelter and sustenance
His love endures forever
He guides me through storms and trials
His love endures forever
He gives me courage and strength
His love endures forever
He carries the weary and binds up the brokenhearted
His love endures forever
He stands for justice and righteousness
His love endures forever
He directs destiny
His love endures forever
He will heal and save and proclaim
His love endures forever.

Two

"Oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure."

Everything culminates
And I resolve to believe
That You will not let me go.
I deserve to be here
And to flourish,
And You deserve to
Use me.
I will succeed or fail
Spectacularly,
Even as You
Guide my steps
And help me to create
My own stories...

Justice for Janitors

If you haven't heard about this, the Houston janitors strike has now begun. There is a rally this coming Saturday and there are other ways to show your support. These are hard-working people, a majority of them women, with families and bills that simply want job security and a fair wage.

For more information:

www.houstonjanitors.org

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/business/4282371.html

Prufrock's Lament

Every moment is a crisis
When you dare to be afraid.
The unknown is worthwhile
When you seek to
Know the difference
Between what is real
And what is unrevealed.
Finding purpose
In all that makes us whole.
And you look back
With no regrets
Because you sought the
Answers and lived.

Focus

Don't try to make yourself new
Without me.
Taking inventory of what
You are not
Can be hell and I'm here to
Fight for you.
All the reasons you're alive
Make you
Ready for things you can't
See or feel.
Displace your guilt and don't
Pass generosity
When it bows down to
Emrace you.
You can articulate your identity
And be firm
In who you are and we know
Who you are
When you try to undo it.
So rest
And be strong to fly,
To be.

Officially Yours

For CS and LD

Time to believe in love
To overcome all the things
You thought you couldn't be.

Making it the way to
Grow into one and
Bring all things to the light,

By the ocean
Where everything begins and ends
And the water interprets your

Fears and possibilities and
Makes the end a glorious beginning.
Starting to break the waves into

Crashing and thunderous ovations
Of your eternal happiness.
Still, standing firmly together

On the sand that sways where
You do not.
And without asking for it

She found her desires
When you found her.

Will It

She will go,
She will win,
She will rise up and
She will become.

Blend into the beautiful monotony of
All that comes with completing dreams
And decide to rise above.

She is equal,
She is able,
She is ready and
She is strong.

The Theology of Culture

These aren't my ideas, but ponder this... (thanks to Genzo Yamamoto at Wheaton College)

Culture is formed by individuals. All individuals on the planet have two things in common: they are inherent sinners and they are formed in the image of God. These two identities come before identity in Christ. We need to recognize that these two previous identities link us to everyone else. Therefore, individuals create and replicate culture as sinners and images of God. This is a theological framework of culture.

(And I would add brings us all much closer together than we commonly believe...)

Transpire

The end of every beginning is a crash course in underestimation. What we feel we can handle is never quite as much as what we are given, and that is enough to make us rise to many challenges. If obstacles are meant to inspire, then I have become the victor of every writer's block when attempting to climb these mountains.

Hope believes all things,
And so do I.

My Proverbial Ramblings

I am not the reason anyone compromises.
You can't love what you don't know.
Knowledge is not a substitution for wisdom.
Comparison nearly never begets inspiration.
You can never prepare for the inevitable.
Time is not a box or a line, but it is uncontainable.
Pain is relative but grief is universal.
Quietness and stillness are not neighbors.
Wonder should never belong only to children.
I am not the reason you left.

Women's Equality Day

Since 1971, August 26 has celebrated the anniversary of the passage of the 19th amendment (which, everyone should know, assured women the right to vote in 1920). Every year the President issues a proclamation declaring August 26 a day of rememberence and honor for women in the past and women now who are working toward equality.

I now work in women's studies and am constantly surrounded by information and voices about the inequalities in our world. I have to work hard not to get depressed at the state of my sisters around the globe and to funnel my energy into doing something to help people.

It has also occurred to me that I really don't know what equality is supposed to mean. I know that God has said there is neither male nor female, that we all are created in the image of God, and that He loves all people equally. What I don't know is how best to act that out.

I don't think the answer lies in a role reversal of 1950s stereotypical marriages or in gender-blindness. But I think it starts in the way we view people, viewing everyone how God does, as having equal worth. That everyone means the same and they are worthy because they have been created by God.

Women getting the vote in the U.S. is an old story, but it's not in much of the world. And still a number of disenfranchised women live in this country. If we want to work toward equality we have to acknowledge inequality.

Decrease/Increase

Separate
Fact from fiction
Only enough to believe
That what you are
Is enough.

What the future holds
Is no longer reticent
And what I possess
Is no longer trivial.

I've know all these things,
Been all these things,
Believed all these things,
And I am not the answer.

You are first;
You define everything else.
I cannot do anything on my own.

Endure my promises
And risk Your life
On the premise that
I am worth it.

All Our Struggles

There are obstacles we simply cannot overcome on our own. Humanity is a beautiful symbol of grace and power and yet capable of such shame and degradation. How one tiny soul has the ability to simultaneously create and destroy, I will never understand. The human condition is a quandry of vain emotion and helpless surrender, peaceful endeavors and hopeful triumphs. My soul lies in wait for the answer to all my questions, where the old self meets the new self and the new self wins.

We put Christ in the center of all our uncertainties and throw our worries and sin at His heart like daggers. As if we thought our transgressions would bounce off of Him, we spit in His face and turn no cheek. This race of humanity bears the image of God but reaches for its own destruction. How long, oh Lord, will You let us wreck Your creation and each other? How long do You plan to leave us here?

I am a part of every man, woman, and child. Your Body moves as one, struggling against and for. We are broken at the sight of Your holiness and awed by Your presence. This is where I find my solace: in Your arms that don't judge or condemn. You love me, You love us all, all this broken mess that You made to be Yours. Bring peace, bring hope, bring justice.

And Love will rescue, Life will win.

Transition

Yes, my life is in yet another season of transition. For those of you keeping up with me long distance, I moved to the city and am taking a break from teaching to focus on my exams and dissertation. Add preparing for my sister's wedding and recently returning from Europe, among other things, and I've got my plate full.

Many things have led me to re-evaluate my goals and calling lately. Michaelangelo dissected human cadavers in order to understand human anatomy and therefore paint and sculpt the human form more accurately. I want to apply the same passion in my chosen work, because I feel it is worthwhile and because I think it deserves that kind of attention.

God has been very faithful to me, and the opportunities opening up are amazing. All His promises are true...

Isaiah 62:1-5, For my Captive Sisters

For Zion's sake I will not keep silent,
for Jerusalem's sake I will not remain quiet,
till her vindication shines out like the dawn,
her salvation like a blazing torch.

The nations will see your vindication,
and all kings your glory;
you will be called by a new name
that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.

You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD's hand,
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.

No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah, [a]
and your land Beulah [b];
for the LORD will take delight in you,
and your land will be married.

As a young man marries a young woman,
so will your Builder marry you;
as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,
so will your God rejoice over you.

Ember

I must indulge the fact that the ebb and flow of life is more fluid than I like to believe.
I move with that current in subtle anticipation of what You will accomplish,
betting on the fact that Your dreams really are more vivid than mine.
Relax and contract and rise above,
these waves that toss me and cradle me in all the different phases of life and make it life.
Why can't the undertow prescript its movement to coincide with everyone's tide?
I mourn the loss of everything comfortable and embrace all that is before me.
I am all these things, capable and strong and beautiful,
turning to face the crests and run against them;
swimming into the unknown with bravery and surrender;
standing up to all my giants, looking them in the eye, and overcoming them.
The salt stings my wounds and I look up to the blinding sunlight,
Where I am rescued and made whole in Your grip--
Standing only on the promise that You are everything.
Waiting for the water to change and moving with and through the current,
burning through the embers of each white wave and
dancing, running through the ebb and flow of this story.

IJM

I just learned more about this fabulous organization... International Justice Mission. They are involved in a myriad of human rights advocacy, particularly human trafficking. Check them out:

www.ijm.org

Not a Victim

Today I attened a local/global dialogue on women and AIDS. The panel was sponsored by the UNAIDS council on women and addressed ways to empower women and thereby fight AIDS. Yes, AIDS and HIV affect men as well, but for women, particularly in developing nations, women are disadvanted and often have little negotiating power within their relationships and circumstances. And as one woman on the panel put it, women are not the victims, they are empowered to take center stage in the fight against this pandemic.

In the Q and A, I asked about the influence of religion, both positive and negative, on the fight againt AIDS. The panelists had nothing but discouraging things to say. The representative from Honduras noted that there are so few ministers do anything to help the AIDS crisis that it is impossible to locate them. An antrhopologist and lobbyist both stated the importance of the church in fighting AIDS and lamented that getting churches to do anything about it is extremely difficult.

The representative from Zambia spoke of her pain in losing both her husband and brother to the disease and blaming God when she herself contracted it. The reigning idea taught by Christian churches in her country is that HIV and AIDS is a judgement. She spoke to a council of Zambian church leaders wearing a t-shirt that said "HIV is not a punishment from God--John 8:11". In forming a support group that now boasts 1000 members, she has found joy in the church again but finds is hard to locate a congregation that does not stigmatize people with AIDS.

I wanted to apologize to every panelist for the lack of action on the part of the Church. I told one woman that she had my word I would talk to my ministers about how to help with the AIDs crisis. Get informed... I was ashamed at the lack of knowledge and perspective I had about AIDS after the dialogue. I'll fight.

What They Learn

On the last exam I ask as a bonus question what that student learned that was most interesting or how their perception of history changed after taking the course. Many of them reveal how they liked learning about the First Ladies, how important the vote was, random trivia, or the significance and breadth of women's role in the historical process.

This time around one student wrote something to the effect of "I always thought the U.S. only intervened in other places when it wanted to help them, but now I know they don't really do anything unless they'll get something out of it. I love my country, but it's done some horrible things."

This young man swore into the military in the course of my class. To be honest, I'd much rather be the teacher that empowers and excites students about all the good things in history and their lives. But sometimes the best lessons are the hard ones, the ugly ones, that change the way we think about the world we live in. Hopefully, those lessons spur us toward change.

If we don't know injustice and walls exist, we can't resist them.