Roads

Finding that faith
Comes in sizes unforeseen,
I remember my previous refusal
To live inside a box.
I pride myself
On being alone,
Longing all the while
To commune intimately with others.
I let myself believe
That my own path is the best way,
That my own road less traveled
Marks the way to happiness.
But marked on that road
Are shortcuts and obstacles,
Where I find myself reevaluating
The consequences of directing
My own destiny.
Providence requires a great deal of
Surrender,
And when unassisted will immediately
Change the course.
And for that I am retrospectively
Glad.
I resolve to risk,
To underestimate,
To pursue the dreams
That seem so shelved.
And I will look for those dreams
In the form of many colors,
Dancing through
And seizing each moment
For what it is worth...
And that worth is found intrinsically
In the sweet wonder
That flows from imagination
And spiritual awakening,
Eyeing all odds and changes as simultaneously
Beautiful and terrible.
My own road is not yet completely determined,
And I surrender to walk it somewhat afraid,
Journeying into the sweet mist that clouds
So many of my plans,
Grateful for each
Day,
Struggle, and
Moment.
Live easy...

A Lenten Protest

Lent is the time when the Church historically observes a period of waiting in the weeks leading up to Easter. This time is to remind us of life before Christ, to encourage us to reevaluate our commitment to God, and to deprive ourselves of some necessity. So this year for Lent I am giving up… nothing.

I am not fasting from anything, I am not conducting extra rituals or spending more time reading the Bible, and I am not quitting any habits. I have followed this portion of the Lenten tradition in the past. Chocolate, caffeine, television, movies, and others have made the list of things I have given up (or attempted to do so) for that very long six weeks. I believe one year I fasted from Starburst jellybeans. But this year is different.

Perfectionism is one of my greatest struggles. It affects and influences my work, studies, relationships, and communion with Christ. I decided that I do not need one more thing for which to seek perfection, another task to make me crazy for fear I will not wholly accomplish it. Giving up anything would at this point induce me to obsess over the work of that fast.

If Lent is meant to further entrench the works mentality and fear of imperfection that I hold so closely, then I will not participate. If wearing an ashen cross on my forehead will equate me to a Pharisee because I desire to flaunt my piety, then I benefit no one from that display. If depriving myself from a pleasure leads me to find a substitution less healthy, then I have really fasted from nothing. If Lent is intended instead to spur believers to practice gratitude for salvation and to observe waiting in hope and expectation, then I will do so.

So in some ways I am giving up something. I am giving up on the suggestion that I need to be or do more than I am to be pleasing to God. I wait and I hope and I offer thanks. But for this year, that is all.

Peace

What follows are disjointed thoughts and questions, that all tie together somehow, but not necessarily in a coherent manner...

The February 26 Relevant Podcast features an interview with Don Miller in which he discusses a number of issues, including the war. Miller mentions that although Peace Studies programs are becoming more and more popular in American universities, only one Christian university has such a program (it was started just last year). Why are we afraid to talk about peace?

I am more and more of a pacifist. I think Christ teaches peace, loving your neighbor and yourself, living in harmony with others. Jesus did, of course, turn over money tables in the temple and loudly confront hypocritical leaders. But He communed with the unlovely, He loved everyone, and He invited all to join His Life.

Does it matter if I support the war or not? Yes. Does it matter more that I love my neighbor (meaning my brothers and sisters everywhere), myself, and my God? Of course.

And why is peace only mentioned when we are closely affected by or involved in war? Do we need a drastic and negative example of the opposite of peace to inspire us to consider it?

I helped with the kids at my church on Sunday evening and heard one of the mothers discussing with her 4 year old why hitting another boy was unacceptable... she provided a recent example of when he had been loving and went with him to apologize to the other boy. That is where peace begins, teaching children non-violence and the love of Christ in practical ways.

Following the tradition of non-violent resistance, what ways can I contribute to issues of social justice? Is my green "Save Darfur" bracelet really helping to save Darfur or am I just making myself feel better by wearing it everyday?

Peace Studies is a wonderful idea, but unless we are equipped to really love others and deal with injustice, it is merely an idea. We can talk about how to be peaceful all day, we can debate the benefits being anti-war, but in the end we need strategies, we need tactics, but most of all we need to let Christ's love fill us and overflow out of us. Trying to be peaceful on our own is entirely fruitless.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:27)

Black History Month

This weekend, American Shani Davis became the first African American to win an individual gold medal at a winter Olympics. Let me just say I found it quite appropriate that he made this history during Black History Month.

Which brings me to honoring other great African Americans. I look up a great deal to Black women. Nothing against men, of course, but the feminist in me is drawn to the strong women who work hard to overcome the "double bourden" of their race and gender. And not just to overcome it, but celebrate who they are as well.

Two of my favorite African American women in history are Ida B. Wells Barnett and Fannie Lou Hamer.

Wells-Barnett was banned from the South in the late 1800s when she used her journalist credentials to expose lynching. She later became a charter member of the NAACP, female suffragist, and American leader. My favorite Ida anecdote: When NAWSA and the National Woman's Party refused to let Black women march with them in the famous 1919 suffrage parade, Wells did something extremely brave. She and a few other Black suffragists stood at a bend in the road, where the parade could not continue without them. She stepped in the parade and marched with the others until the end.

Hamer, one of twenty children in a sharecropping family, was called a "latter-day female Ghandi." She first became involved in the Civil Rights movement through SNCC in voter registration after attempting to vote, in her 40s, for the first time. Her accomplishments are limitless, including food and clothing drives, running for senator, organizing projects to help poor, rural African Americans, and encouraging womens' involvement in Civil Rights. What I find most inspiring about Hamer is her drive, her desire to secure freedoms and respect at a later point in life, her sheer courage to defy her position.

My list goes on, but here's to also celebrating the people we don't know about, whose low-profile contributions to history are invaluable.

My Plans

"The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride." (Ecclesiastes 7:8)

Surrender my ideas
Of perfection,
Of time;
Take into account
Every factor
That makes things
Whole
And do not
Give in
To despair,
To failure;
Slow,
Breathe,
Endure.

Channeling St Valentine

How did we get so far from restoring sight to the blind?



From the Catholic Forum

Profile
Priest in Rome, possibly a bishop. Physician. Imprisoned for giving aid to martyrs in prison, and while there converted the jailer by restoring sight to the jailer's daughter. While Valentine of Terni and Valentine of Rome sometimes have separate entries in martyrologies and biographies, most scholars believe they are the same person.

There are several theories about the origin of Valentine's Day celebrations. Some believe the Romans had a mid-February custom where boys drew girls' names in honor of the sex and fertility goddess, Februata Juno; pastors "baptised" this holiday, like some others, by substituting the names of saints such as Valentine to suppress the practice. Others maintain that the custom of sending Valentines on 14 February stems from the belief that birds begin to pair on that date. By 1477 the English associated lovers with the feast of Valentine because on that day "every bird chooses him a mate." The custom started of men and women writing love letters to their Valentine on this day. Other "romance" traditions have become attached to this feast, including pinning bay leaves to your pillow on Valentine's Eve so that you will see your future mate that night in your dreams.

To Be, To Become

I am perpetually at odds with myself and the world. I don't often realize how small and big my life is, all at the same time. I am at once a 15 year old child and a 25 year old woman, that decade representing so much metamorphosis and yet none at all. The same things still try to hold me, to make me less able, to own me. Sometimes I am SuperWoman and can manage it all, and sometimes I can manage nothing. Don't leave everything to me, but don't leave nothing.

Try with mixed emotion to see who I am and help me believe it. I channel Aprhodite and Ungit to make me beautiful and brave, and fall into the Hope that has become my own. I am more than the banal qualifications given to Woman by her own sex and others, because my life emobodies the Image of the God who sees and knows and imparts. Do not roll your eyes at my desire to be more, to live the full life to which I am called. The ancient words and modern hearts all sing the same song of longing to be, to become. To feel, we must represent what we cannot hold.

Approaching the close of one chapter I race toward the end to see the fruits of my labor in a measurable end. How difficult it is to look back, to remember struggle and the hardest times that build up to now. How wonderful it is to beat against the current and end up in the safest and scariest place. So much fear and hope lie in the same moments. The same existential and eternal processes catch me up into the Story that is bigger than myself. Both scripted and improvisational turns in my journey lead me to be, to become, to believe.

And I, holding all these thoughts and feelings, take a deep breath. I dive headlong into all the beautiful and mundane things that make life come together into an abundant experience of You.

Relief Projekt

My good friend has just published her report on Swiss and German medical relief organizations. She spent 18 months putting it together, doing research in Germany and Switzerland and doing medical relief work herself in Mexico and Africa. The perspective is challenging and I encourage all of you to read it. The site also includes some really fantastic photos that she took on her adventures.

www.reliefprojekt.org

The Happiest Place on Earth

I got my pictures from my trip to Disneyworld earlier this month. I had never been so I found it to be quite magical! This pic was my favorite.

A Little Quiz

Yesterday was my first day teaching women's history... it was a blast! I have a sharp group of students and the gentlemen in the class who were not aware they signed up for women's history promised to have an open mind. I asked them these questions as an icebreaker to see what their preconceived notions hold. See what yours are. (Click on comments to see the answers)

True or False:

1. Most American women did not work prior to World War II.

2. Historically, the Deep South is a bi-racial society (black and white).

3. The March on Washington was initially proposed by a woman.

4. Women did not get the right to vote until 1920 in the U. S.

5. All feminists are bra-burning leftists.

6. The women’s rights movement began in the 1970s.

7. Women were not allowed in the military until the Vietnam War.

Women in the Emerging Church

My article, "Women in the Emerging Church", came out last month in Reformation and Revival Journal. It's in the December, 2005 issue, 14:3. I meant to post this sooner, but here it is now. You can get a subscription to the journal for a good price, or you can just buy the individual copy. Go to their website and check it out... the name of the journal is being changed to Act III Review, but for now go to Reformation and Revival.

Why I'm a Feminist, Part Five: The Future

I could continue talking about this forever (and I will). But I’ll wrap up this series with a discussion about what I would love to see the future entail for feminism:

~ An increased consciousness of women’s experience around the globe. American feminism is so focused on the U. S. that it misses the work and trials of our sisters/neighbors abroad.

~ A greater respect for faith. Faith-based and faith-supported feminist groups are on the rise, but the feminist community in general invalidates these causes because of their religious bases.

~ The involvement of younger women. Many teenagers and twenty-somethings are particularly ignorant today of feminist issues. Empowering and educating these young women will prove integral to the survival and breadth of the cause.

~ A broader definition of feminism. For example, in my opinion, abstinence, stay at home mom-ing, adoption instead of abortion, and dedication to a life of faith should all be seen as feminist choices.

~ Continue to speak for those who cannot speak for themselves. Many feminist organizations speak up for children, victims of abuse, and victims of many forms of marginalization. This should increase.

~ A unity of women and men across class, race, and religious lines. The American feminist movement has struggled for years to develop commonality across these signifiers and I think everyone will benefit from sharing the struggle with understanding and love.

Some of this is very idealistic, but no one would be anywhere without ideals. Today we are living in the hope of someone who went before us with the help of the divine hand that led us to new heights. Susan B. Anthony, who toiled for women's suffrage over 50 years and never herself had the privilege of the ballot, put it this way,

"Failure is impossible."

Why I'm a Feminist, Part Four: The Term

For those of you who agree that men and women are of equal worth and who work for and practice egalitarianism may have never thought of yourselves as a feminist. (This summer one of my friends was excited when I told him men could be feminists and he proudly sported the label). It might have never occurred to you that when you are okay working for a woman or when you don’t buy into misogyny that you are, indeed, practicing feminism.

You may not want to be a feminist. You may think the term has too many derogatory connotations, that it is too liberal and too weird, that it enables women to bash men and do whatever they want to do without any boundaries whatsoever. The label might imply that you are not a person of faith.

So here is why I use the term.

First, I do believe that men and women are of equal worth. I believe all the definitions I talked about in Part One.

Second, using the term connects me with a broader movement. I can work alongside others fighting for women’s rights in a wider context.

Third, it signifies a big part of my goals. True, my first goal is to know God and make God known (okay that’s two goals). But feminism does carry a big part of what I am attempting to communicate and achieve in our world.

Fourth, I don’t see an issue with defining myself as a feminist. Missionaries identify themselves as human rights or medical relief workers, for example. The term carries a lot of meaning but it does not exclude me from my faith.

Finally, the term “feminist” is, in and of itself, empowering. Women cite their choices as feminist from little changes like dying their hair to huge changes like becoming a CEO. Calling yourself a feminist can give you more meaning and confidence.

Happy new year to all!

Merry Christmas!

Blessings and joy to you all on this Christmas!


A Word from St. Nicholas

In my own heart I cannot separate Christmas
from that Boy Child born in Bethlehem
some two thousand years ago.

I believe that Boy Child
was the Child of the Divine Mystery,
and He came into the world for love of us all.

I believe He came to bring healing,
forgiveness,
reconciliation,
freedom, and peace.

I believe He also came to invite everyone
to forget themselves and remember the needs of others.

For me, the religious meaning of Christmas
is a source of deep joy.

You must understand that my message
echoes the message of that Child born so long ago.

I am not the offspring of the Divine Mystery,
only His unworthy servant.

I am Saint Nicholas,
and the religious meaning of Christmas
will always be close to my heart.

—"Saint Nicholas"

Why I'm a Feminist, Part Three: My Story

Some women can cite the exact moment of their “conversion” to feminism. My story, on the other hand, is more of a process.


Childhood shapes us in ways we don’t often fully acknowledge. I am the oldest of two girls and grew up with an inherent understanding that I could do or be anything. My parents encouraged me to try many things. The Bible was my central teacher for life and my parents repeated its lesson of “God loves everybody the same” over and over. My first big “when I grow up” dream was to become the first female president of the U.S. In all my eight-year-old wisdom I felt that a woman could run the country, and because someone had to be the first, it should be me.

My first interest in activism was in pro-life organizations. As a teenager I helped out at crisis pregnancy centers and abstinence programs. I remember thinking that pregnant women needed to be encouraged and assisted in keeping their babies and that abstinence was a brave choice that showed a woman’s respect for herself. I found the message of God’s love and spirit at work within me to be very empowering.

Skip ahead to college where I served as the first female president of the BSM at my university (see, some of my childhood dream came true). It never occurred to me that I shouldn’t hold that position, even though this was a Baptist organization we’re talking about. During my undergrad years I went through a phase where I didn’t want a male to open the door or to lift anything for me, as I felt that undercut my abilities (I have since come to realize the difference between chivalry and misogyny). I felt that a lot of people didn’t know what to do with me, a young, intelligent, Christian outspoken female who was neither a bookworm nor a member of sorority. People often told me I was “intimidating”.

I chose to go into women’s studies for several reasons. First, my self-proclaimed “raging feminist” history professor during my master’s study had a pretty big influence on me. Second, and most importantly, I hadn’t heard of any Christians in the field (since then I have met several). I wanted to help infuse it with the love of Christ and the Bible’s messages of equality and morality. I wanted to equip young women to view themselves as important and competent, to educate people about history that is typically ignored, to assist in the aid of women who cannot speak for themselves, and to cultivate understanding and compassion for both sexes. I wanted to make a difference, no matter how cliché that sounds. These goals have remained.

I didn't wake up one day and become a feminist. I had been heading in that direction for most of my life, I just articulated it differently at different points. My story is not finished… I might very well be at the height of my feminist consciousness at this moment. Or I might become more outspoken in the future, who knows. We’ll see.

Good Stories

A good friend of mine is writing a curriculum for a church telling the stories of Genesis and Advent in his own poetic words... It's a very impressive collection, so go check it out: http://genesisinmyeyes.blogspot.com/

Things that change

Pain of new birth
Awakens me to bring
The loved parts of me
To the surface.
Judging from my reflection
I am still too unworthy
To fly,
Though I see grace in progress
Every Day.
Uniting,
Disjointing,
Finding who we are
In the middle of it.
I am lonely,
Yet surrounded;
Longing,
Yet fulfilled;
Tired,
Yet full of life.
Posing all my intricacies
As depth incarnate
I press on,
And I wait,
And I move,
And I exult
In the One who does not
Change.

(Copyright LK, 12/16/06)

Letter to Lucy

Like many of you, I am a C. S. Lewis junkie. I believe Mere Christianity to be the sole training necessary in apologetics. I am Ungit and Redival and Psyche and I too want to wander away and see strange and wonderful things. I think Surprised by Joy is the most detailed and long autobiography but the most honest. And I find his articulation of grief extraordinary in my own mourning processes.

That said, I am re-reading the Chronicles with the book set that belonged to my schoolteacher grandmother when she read the entire series to her fifth-graders every year. I came across this letter to Lewis' goddaughter Lucy and I think it warrants attention. I often fear that I am in the span where I am too old and too young for fairytales. Then again, I am swept away by my imagination when I let myself be. And that is good.

--

My Dear Lucy,

I wrote this story for you, but when I began it I had not realized that girls grow quicker than books. As a result you are already too old for fairy tales, and by the time it is printed and bound you will be older still. But some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. You can then take it down from some upper shelf, dust it, and tell me what you think of it. I shall probably be too deaf to hear, and too old to understand, a word you say, but I shall still be

your affectionate Godfather,
C.S. Lewis

Why I'm a Feminist, Part Two: History

It would be impossible to identify the exact starting date of the feminist movement in the United States. History’s causes and effects are complex and deep rooted. Further, women have always contributed to history, even if not in the forefront. And keep in mind that there are layers of race, class, religion, nationality and other factors that complicate this history even more. So here is an incomplete list of feminist history landmarks in America’s story:

The women’s rights movement came in waves in the U.S., starting in full swing in the 1840s. Building on their platform as abolitionists, women spoke publicly about the need for women’s rights and held the Seneca Falls Convention in NY in 1848. The women and men present at this conference (organized by Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton) signed the Declaration of Sentiments , modeled after the Declaration of Independence, detailing specific rights they felt that women deserved.

It wasn’t until 1920 that women received the right to vote, after a long and sometimes violent battle. Since the inception of the United States, female citizens voiced their desire to speak their minds through the ballot (for example, First Lady Abigail Adams, who wrote to her husband reminding him to “remember the ladies”). Women donned the popular “Votes for Women” banners, consistently pestered the government, and educated the public on the need for women’s suffrage. “Forward out of darkness, forward into light,” goes the slogan of the National American Women’s Suffrage Association (NAWSA), and it paid off.

Jump ahead to the 1960s and 1970s when the women’s movement took the country by storm. Male-bashing, sexual liberation, anti-discrimination, workers, political, and reproductive rights along with organizations such as NOW took center stage. Crazy protests such as crowning a sheep Miss America in 1969 terrified the general public. Most women were lumped into one of two categories: the submissive housewife or the radical feminist. Feminists of the ‘60s and ‘70s pushed for legislation to ensure their equal rights and openly displayed their cause.

Check out Sara Evans' Born for Liberty for a good overview of U.S. women's history. Also, the LOC has a pretty good timeline of women's history in America.

Stay tuned for a discussion of how this history has contributed to what feminism is today…

Teaching Highlights

I have a really great group of students this semester. They are witty and sharp and half of them want to take my other class, which is flattering. Since the semester is nearly over I'm reflecting on highights of the semester, so here they are:

--I invited one student to be in the honors program, and it had not previously occurred to him that he was that good of a student

--After reading a book on female slavery (Arn't I a Woman_Deborah Gray White), a student told me she thought the author was arguing that the women were not accepted and were discriminated against. As slaves? I asked. No, as people, she replied. Very good.

--I tell my students to question everything, and of course they try that out on me.

--We watched a Civil War documentary and I commented that one day I hoped to be "that guy," referring to a bow-tied historian sitting in an armchair surrounded by books, giving his two cents about history. One student countered... "but not a guy, right?" That generated more laughter than any joke I planned.

--Preparing to play the second disc of the Glory dvd, I found the second disc of Gladiator in the case. That's what I get for ordering dvds on ebay.

--I was out sick and had a substitute fill in. The next class when I came back, a room full of grateful students looked back at me. The few "we missed you" and "welcome back" comments meant a lot.