Archive Dust

Day Two at the Amistad Research Center proved productive. I went through eight boxes of unprocessed files so it was quite a feat. One of the boxes was the jackpot--30 years of the organization's quarterly publication. It's a shame they are sitting in a box.

I decided today I am not organized enough to ever eventually donate my papers to an archive. And in the digital age it would seem ego-maniacal to print every email correspondence to save for posterity. But there is something about reading someone's hand-written notes that seems so intimate, even if it's about how the president spent the organization's money.

I spent an hour at the end of the day in the French Quarter... got some pralines and some beignets, walked around, watched a scene for a movie be filmed at a cafe (it takes a ridiculous amount of people and security to film two people sitting at a table), and took a few hasty pictures.

My favorite part of the day? Watching a man in the Quarter lead a crowd in "This Little Light of Mine", clapping and singing. "Jesus is comin' back, I'm gonna let it shine..."

Tales from the Archives

Greetings from the Big Easy! Here begins the first step of my out of state research for my dissertation.

I'm staying across Lake Ponchatrain from New Orleans with relatives in Mandeville. So we drove across the 24 mile bridge (longest in the world) and through all the city's devastation. I saw where the breach happened in one of the canals and it's smaller than I would have imagined for all the damage it caused. Many houses are abandoned, some are rebuilt, and FEMA trailers dot every few driveways for those who still do not have livable houses. The scene is bleak to be honest. One sign read "Bulldoze house but don't cut down tree." The tree weathered the storm, so why destroy it now? One church was getting ready to re-open this Sunday and a team of congregants busily prepared.

My first stop was Dillard University, which fared decently during Katrina minus its library. I was unable to ascertain before I arrived that the special collections have relocated to storage while the library is being rennovated. An unfortunate consequence.

So I went onto the Amistad Research Center at Tulane. Tulane and the surrounding mansions and parks look untouched. Partly that's because they suffered less damage and partly because they were repaired first. The only time I recognized the impact of Katrina was overhearing a conversation of some professors discussing the university's new evacuation plan. Class and race inequalities were thus impossible for me not to see today.

But Amistad was great... I got through two boxes today and will peruse several more tomorrow they are bringing from off-site storage. I got so excited exploring these materials, like I was starting to put pieces together and to discover. I hope this is representative of how the rest of my trip will go.

The Woman Behind Wonder Woman

From KorePress.org:

"Written by men for 60 years, feminist icon Wonder Woman finally gets a female author in novelist Jodi Picoult, only the second woman to write her story (the first was Mindy Newel, who scripted three issues in the original series). But Wonder Woman's (male) illustrators haven't changed: Picoult reports she advocated for a breast reduction, to no avail. Still, as a role model for girls, Picoult says "I love the fact that [Wonder Woman] is strong and has muscles and powerful thighs." But what about that costume? "All I'm gonna say," responds Picoult, "is that any woman knows you can't fight crime in a bustier."
(artwork by Drew Johnson and Ray Snyder)

Anti-Genocide in the Book of Esther

I've been reading the book of Esther and it has a very clear anti-genocide message. Haman, the evil right hand man to King Xerxes, decides in a moment to decree the destruction of the Jews after Mordecai, a Jew, disrespects him. One personal issue (that shouldn't even have been an issue) and he makes a decision to kill an entire people group. The rest of the book speaks of Esther and Mordecai being used to stop this genocide.

Why isn't it ok? Because it's wrong... God is a God of redemption not of destruction. Even in OT terms of His wrath, God is merciful. And in the case of Queen Esther, the King's own wife would have been killed. Our neighbors and family members could represent a targeted group. Then there's Mordecai, the annoying citizen who sits outside the king's gate and does things no one seems to understand. To put it more bluntly, I see Mordecai representing the homeless or the foreigners who never quite fit "our" customs and standards and thereby pose some sort of threat.

How do they stop it? It takes everyone... Esther as an insider in the kingdom who doubts her power but wields it creatively and convincingly with the people who matter. Mordecai, giving Esther encouragement and strategy. The people, who dress in sack cloth and ashes and pray and fast.

I can find myself in each of those solutions. And I must.

www.savedarfur.org

The Laundry Room

While some people complain about community laundry rooms, I quite like them. I might like the one in my apartment complex less if it weren't two doors down from me, but I like running into people, having random conversations, checking the mail, etc. Once you get past the awkwardness of separating your laundry as you talk, that is.

I have had a hell of a week. To be honest I'm overwhelmed with just about every area of my life. School, work, relationships, family, the future--it's all got it's own stress right now. And it added up and crashed in on me tonight.

While I was waiting for my clothes to dry, I checked my mail and found a letter from my mom's college roommate, with whom she is still close. It was completely out of nowhere, and extremely timely. Two pages of funny stories and lots of encouragement, the kind that you can only appreciate from a life long friend who gets the complexity of your life and the things you're capable of.

So that was it, I burst into tears, reading this letter in the laundry room. No real way to hide. My neighbor, who is a hospital chaplain, came in just as I tried to shield my face. He asked if he could pray for me. I nodded my head yes, choked up, and talked to him while he hung up his shirts. He started to walk out the door and I looked at him, confused... Apparently he meant could he pray for me in his heart, like over the weekend. But he kindly offered to pray with me, and since I was so desperate for someone outside my everyday circle to lift me up, I said yes, please.

He came over and joined hands with me and my roommate. He led us to be still, to remember that God always hears us. And he prayed for tears to wash away pain, hard feelings to illustrate possibility, and conflict to begin growth.

Old friends, neighbors, roommates, prayers, the God who always hears, and the most inane community space.

These are my peace.

Be Not Afraid

To overestimate human potential,
To recognize good,
To become more.

Women in Darfur: How to Help

Save Darfur
www.savedarfur.org

STAND (Student Anti-Genocide organization)
http://www.standnow.org/

Twenty Women For Darfur
www.twentywomenfordarfur.org

Women’s Human Right’s Network
www.amnestyusa.org

Women for Women International: Darfur
www.womenforwomen.org

Women in Darfur: The Situation

The Conflict

Darfur has been embroiled in a deadly conflict for over three years. At least 400,000 people have been killed; more than 2 million innocent civilians have been forced to flee their homes and now live in displaced-persons camps in Sudan or in refugee camps in neighboring Chad; and more than 3.5 million men, women, and children are completely reliant on international aid for survival. Not since the Rwandan genocide of 1994 has the world seen such a calculated campaign of displacement, starvation, rape, and mass slaughter.

Since early 2003, Sudanese armed forces and Sudanese government-backed militia known as “Janjaweed” have been fighting two rebel groups in Darfur, the Sudanese Liberation Army/Movement (SLA/SLM) and the Justice and Equality Movement (JEM). The stated political aim of the rebels has been to compel the government of Sudan to address underdevelopment and the political marginalization of the region. In response, the Sudanese government’s regular armed forces and the Janjaweed – largely composed of fighters of nomadic background – have targeted civilian populations and ethnic groups from which the rebels primarily draw their support – the Fur, Masalit and Zaghawa.
From www.savedarfur.com

Women in Conflict

Much of the violence perpetrated in the Darfur conflict has resulted in grave human rights violations against women. These violations against women and girls include abductions, rape and forced displacement. The only real protection being provided for Darfuri women and girls has been from African Union Mission in Sudan (AMIS), despite significant restrictions on its capabilities.
From www.amnestyusa.org

Rapes and Sex Slavery

As Amnesty International reported in July, women and girls as young as 8 are being raped and used as sex slaves in the conflict area, despite guarantees by the Sudanese government to disarm the Janjawid.
In some cases the Janjawid have raped women in public, in front of their husbands, relatives or the wider community. These women and girls are being attacked not only to dehumanize them, but also to humiliate, punish, control, inflict fear upon, displace and persecute the community to which they belong.

The Janjawid have acted with full impunity and with the full knowledge or acquiescence of the government army, and the government of Sudan has not charged a single member of the Janjawid or of the armed forces with committing rape or kidnapping.

In fact, the mass rapes ongoing in Darfur are war crimes and crimes against humanity that the international community is doing little to stop.

Despite the Security Council's actions and our report, the situation appears only to be getting worse. On Aug. 10, a United Nations High Commission for Refugees spokesperson reported that the agency has received reports of an increasing number of rapes inside government and Janjawid-run displacement camps. Authorities in Khartoum not only have done little to stop the rapes; medical resources for the proper care of victims, including trained personnel and facilities to treat sexually transmitted diseases, are sorely lacking.

Single Women in Most Danger

Women and children make up the majority of the population in the camps. As Amnesty International learned from testimonies gathered last May, married women who have lost their husbands to violence and single women are in particular danger of abuse and exploitation, whether they have settled in camps for the internally displaced or have fled to nearby villages.

Their children are more likely to be affected by malnutrition, less likely to receive an education and these survivors and their daughters may be forced into prostitution.

Displacement has also led to an increase in the number of early marriages, with some families resorting to marrying their daughters at a very young age in the hope that marriage will give some measure of protection from the threat of sexual violence, protection parents feel unable to provide.

The Janjawid have raped many women who, fearing their husbands will be killed if they venture outside the camps, have gone in their place to collect firewood. The Janjawid also have tortured women to coerce them to report the whereabouts of their husbands. Forms of torture reportedly have included forcing the faces of women between wooden sticks and pulling out women's nails. Some women also have reported that the Janjawid have broken the legs of rape victims in order to prevent them from escaping.

While giving ample attention to the humanitarian crisis in Darfur, the international community needs to do more to stop what is happening to Darfur's women and girls. If the victims were our mothers, our daughters and our sisters, the international community would respond more vigorously.

From “Help Stop Violence Against Women in Darfur” by Beth Glick, program associate for the Crisis Preparedness and Response Unit of Amnesty International USA.
http://www.womensenews.org/article.cfm/dyn/aid/1953/

Don Imus

So the d.j. who called the women of the mostly black Rutgers basketball team "nappy-headed hos" has been let go from simulcast on MSNBC. That's some consolation, knowing that when people respond to such hateful remarks then companies listen (even if just for no other reason that economic boycott--yep, it's still powerful). Granted he will probably keep his radio show, but at least something has been done.

Unfortunately remarks like this aren't all that uncommon. Women are referred to in derogatory terms in music, film, and other media daily. For the record, I don't think calling a woman a bitch or a ho in a rap song is OK. Remarks like that trickle down to the culture and are demeaning even if they aren't meant to be. (Side note: One creative way to resist the negativity associated with words is to reappropriate them--i.e. Bitch Magazine--but that does not completely remove its power b/c broader society still utilizes them in offensive ways).

And I'm for freedom of speech, but I do think there needs to be accountability for racist and sexist slurs such as these.

Political talk shows, from every side of the spectrum, are routinely offensive to any number of groups. But at least they are trying to make a point. At least they have a context. They might be trying to make a point I find offensive or don't agree with, but at least there is a point.

We are all a little (or a lot) racist and sexist. Unsolicited remarks such as Imus' show how fallen and insensitive we are. The whole thing makes me examine myself. Imus spoke these slurs not knowing anything about the women on this team. Nothing about their character, lives, or accomplishments. If I really believe all people are equal, then I will treat them as such by the words that I speak.

I think about all it has taken for women to be recognized as athletes, let alone for women of color to play on integrated college teams. We still have so much left to fight for if such a prominent figure can dismiss the collective and individual accomplishments of women and women of color so easily.

Moreover it makes me realize how much fight I've got left...

Somet thoughts on non-violence

In studying non-violent resistance, I have become very confused. I am with Ella Baker--she believed that militancy was a good idea some times and non-violence was a good idea at other times. But she always believed action was necessary. The term pacifism implies non-action, which is contrary to the way we are set up to help others. But I believe it is possible to be extremely active in non-violent ways. War has done very little for the world, and peaceful resistance, though it takes longer, has longer-lasting results.

Rob Bell, pastor of Mars Hill church in Grand Rapids, did a sermon series in December entitled "Calling All Peacemakers." He pointed out that Jesus told Peter to drop his sword when Jesus was arrested. And Bell also pointed out that Christ's acceptance of crucifixion was, in a sense, Him rebelling against a cruel and unjust justice system. I'm mulling that over during Easter, thinking about all the violent ways God could have saved the world, and He didn't. It was Jesus coming to be the Prince of Peace, to save the world in ways no one had ever seen.

There is Rock and Always Water

If I were to guess why I was so afraid of failure, it would be to say that I am afraid of unfulfillment. We have very interesting ways to illuminate our own desires when met with the question of why we live. Being is an understatement for the ways we decide to move, forcing ourselves through the crevices of unmovable rock. We gain strength from the untimely changes that confront the way we constructed our future, and climb higher on the hills of uncertainty.

Why the day begins to break
and
Why the stars are outnumbered
by the
Light
of Your
Face...

All This Happens

Take time to whisper the winds of change,
And re-design the anthems that bring you comfort.
Fall short and rise above,
You Daughters of the Most High.
Recognize your inherent worth
And seize whatever you can.
Cling to sorrow long enough to breathe it,
Then move to the place of action-oriented solace.

We find strength when we cannot seek it.
We encounter truth where we cannot interpret it.

Desperately, hungrily, fervently.
We know Who You are.
Show Yourself, make Yourself known.

I am uncomfortable with the concept that
Love and destiny might not coincide,
And take comfort in the shape of Your design,
Where You bring all things together
And make all things right in their own time.

Awake, arise--
Love comes slowly to meet with us
And we cannot reject it.
In embracing love we embrace possibility,
And all the things we couldn't believe
Somehow are true.

Consumerism

"If we really loved like Jesus does, capitalism would be impossible and Marxism would be unnecessary." --Shane Claiborne

Ah, consumerism...

the idol i dress up with things i've bought...

Ordinary 4

"They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD. (Jer. 1:19)

I am inspired by the lack of insignificance You possess. Covered in the insecurity my feeble frame carries around, I lament my own limitations. But oh how You go to great lengths to raise us above all that.

Singing

Inspire the way to be whole.
Receive the advent and
Uncover the blind,
When you were broken
And Life saved you.
Waking,
Hoping,
Receiving.

Joyful Pain

A baby comes to live among us and covers my heart in entirety. Its cries entering the world echo my own uncertainties as I cling to the life I need to know. And somehow I become more alive, letting the baby into my soul and opening to the risk that accompanies love. Beautiful saving and I'm not the rescuer.

And he was torn away from us even as he embodied salvation. The pain of rebirth is to difficult to come to terms with. And the time you left felt like an eternity, us clinging to the promise that you would come back and make it whole.

And you came back like you promised, saving the whole earth and making us right. Peacefully captivating my heart in brilliant ways, rebirthing humanity in the joyous painful saga of your love.

The word of the prophets speak loudly--You have prepared a way in the wilderness.

Give Thanks

Give thanks to the LORD
His love endures forever
He has healed and saved and proclaimed
His love endures forever
He lifts me high above the hills
His love endures forever
He protects my mind and my body
His love endures forever
He provides shelter and sustenance
His love endures forever
He guides me through storms and trials
His love endures forever
He gives me courage and strength
His love endures forever
He carries the weary and binds up the brokenhearted
His love endures forever
He stands for justice and righteousness
His love endures forever
He directs destiny
His love endures forever
He will heal and save and proclaim
His love endures forever.

Two

"Oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure."

Everything culminates
And I resolve to believe
That You will not let me go.
I deserve to be here
And to flourish,
And You deserve to
Use me.
I will succeed or fail
Spectacularly,
Even as You
Guide my steps
And help me to create
My own stories...

Justice for Janitors

If you haven't heard about this, the Houston janitors strike has now begun. There is a rally this coming Saturday and there are other ways to show your support. These are hard-working people, a majority of them women, with families and bills that simply want job security and a fair wage.

For more information:

www.houstonjanitors.org

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/business/4282371.html

Prufrock's Lament

Every moment is a crisis
When you dare to be afraid.
The unknown is worthwhile
When you seek to
Know the difference
Between what is real
And what is unrevealed.
Finding purpose
In all that makes us whole.
And you look back
With no regrets
Because you sought the
Answers and lived.

Focus

Don't try to make yourself new
Without me.
Taking inventory of what
You are not
Can be hell and I'm here to
Fight for you.
All the reasons you're alive
Make you
Ready for things you can't
See or feel.
Displace your guilt and don't
Pass generosity
When it bows down to
Emrace you.
You can articulate your identity
And be firm
In who you are and we know
Who you are
When you try to undo it.
So rest
And be strong to fly,
To be.

Officially Yours

For CS and LD

Time to believe in love
To overcome all the things
You thought you couldn't be.

Making it the way to
Grow into one and
Bring all things to the light,

By the ocean
Where everything begins and ends
And the water interprets your

Fears and possibilities and
Makes the end a glorious beginning.
Starting to break the waves into

Crashing and thunderous ovations
Of your eternal happiness.
Still, standing firmly together

On the sand that sways where
You do not.
And without asking for it

She found her desires
When you found her.

Will It

She will go,
She will win,
She will rise up and
She will become.

Blend into the beautiful monotony of
All that comes with completing dreams
And decide to rise above.

She is equal,
She is able,
She is ready and
She is strong.

The Theology of Culture

These aren't my ideas, but ponder this... (thanks to Genzo Yamamoto at Wheaton College)

Culture is formed by individuals. All individuals on the planet have two things in common: they are inherent sinners and they are formed in the image of God. These two identities come before identity in Christ. We need to recognize that these two previous identities link us to everyone else. Therefore, individuals create and replicate culture as sinners and images of God. This is a theological framework of culture.

(And I would add brings us all much closer together than we commonly believe...)

Transpire

The end of every beginning is a crash course in underestimation. What we feel we can handle is never quite as much as what we are given, and that is enough to make us rise to many challenges. If obstacles are meant to inspire, then I have become the victor of every writer's block when attempting to climb these mountains.

Hope believes all things,
And so do I.

My Proverbial Ramblings

I am not the reason anyone compromises.
You can't love what you don't know.
Knowledge is not a substitution for wisdom.
Comparison nearly never begets inspiration.
You can never prepare for the inevitable.
Time is not a box or a line, but it is uncontainable.
Pain is relative but grief is universal.
Quietness and stillness are not neighbors.
Wonder should never belong only to children.
I am not the reason you left.

Women's Equality Day

Since 1971, August 26 has celebrated the anniversary of the passage of the 19th amendment (which, everyone should know, assured women the right to vote in 1920). Every year the President issues a proclamation declaring August 26 a day of rememberence and honor for women in the past and women now who are working toward equality.

I now work in women's studies and am constantly surrounded by information and voices about the inequalities in our world. I have to work hard not to get depressed at the state of my sisters around the globe and to funnel my energy into doing something to help people.

It has also occurred to me that I really don't know what equality is supposed to mean. I know that God has said there is neither male nor female, that we all are created in the image of God, and that He loves all people equally. What I don't know is how best to act that out.

I don't think the answer lies in a role reversal of 1950s stereotypical marriages or in gender-blindness. But I think it starts in the way we view people, viewing everyone how God does, as having equal worth. That everyone means the same and they are worthy because they have been created by God.

Women getting the vote in the U.S. is an old story, but it's not in much of the world. And still a number of disenfranchised women live in this country. If we want to work toward equality we have to acknowledge inequality.

Decrease/Increase

Separate
Fact from fiction
Only enough to believe
That what you are
Is enough.

What the future holds
Is no longer reticent
And what I possess
Is no longer trivial.

I've know all these things,
Been all these things,
Believed all these things,
And I am not the answer.

You are first;
You define everything else.
I cannot do anything on my own.

Endure my promises
And risk Your life
On the premise that
I am worth it.

All Our Struggles

There are obstacles we simply cannot overcome on our own. Humanity is a beautiful symbol of grace and power and yet capable of such shame and degradation. How one tiny soul has the ability to simultaneously create and destroy, I will never understand. The human condition is a quandry of vain emotion and helpless surrender, peaceful endeavors and hopeful triumphs. My soul lies in wait for the answer to all my questions, where the old self meets the new self and the new self wins.

We put Christ in the center of all our uncertainties and throw our worries and sin at His heart like daggers. As if we thought our transgressions would bounce off of Him, we spit in His face and turn no cheek. This race of humanity bears the image of God but reaches for its own destruction. How long, oh Lord, will You let us wreck Your creation and each other? How long do You plan to leave us here?

I am a part of every man, woman, and child. Your Body moves as one, struggling against and for. We are broken at the sight of Your holiness and awed by Your presence. This is where I find my solace: in Your arms that don't judge or condemn. You love me, You love us all, all this broken mess that You made to be Yours. Bring peace, bring hope, bring justice.

And Love will rescue, Life will win.

Transition

Yes, my life is in yet another season of transition. For those of you keeping up with me long distance, I moved to the city and am taking a break from teaching to focus on my exams and dissertation. Add preparing for my sister's wedding and recently returning from Europe, among other things, and I've got my plate full.

Many things have led me to re-evaluate my goals and calling lately. Michaelangelo dissected human cadavers in order to understand human anatomy and therefore paint and sculpt the human form more accurately. I want to apply the same passion in my chosen work, because I feel it is worthwhile and because I think it deserves that kind of attention.

God has been very faithful to me, and the opportunities opening up are amazing. All His promises are true...

Isaiah 62:1-5, For my Captive Sisters

For Zion's sake I will not keep silent,
for Jerusalem's sake I will not remain quiet,
till her vindication shines out like the dawn,
her salvation like a blazing torch.

The nations will see your vindication,
and all kings your glory;
you will be called by a new name
that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.

You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD's hand,
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.

No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah, [a]
and your land Beulah [b];
for the LORD will take delight in you,
and your land will be married.

As a young man marries a young woman,
so will your Builder marry you;
as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,
so will your God rejoice over you.

Ember

I must indulge the fact that the ebb and flow of life is more fluid than I like to believe.
I move with that current in subtle anticipation of what You will accomplish,
betting on the fact that Your dreams really are more vivid than mine.
Relax and contract and rise above,
these waves that toss me and cradle me in all the different phases of life and make it life.
Why can't the undertow prescript its movement to coincide with everyone's tide?
I mourn the loss of everything comfortable and embrace all that is before me.
I am all these things, capable and strong and beautiful,
turning to face the crests and run against them;
swimming into the unknown with bravery and surrender;
standing up to all my giants, looking them in the eye, and overcoming them.
The salt stings my wounds and I look up to the blinding sunlight,
Where I am rescued and made whole in Your grip--
Standing only on the promise that You are everything.
Waiting for the water to change and moving with and through the current,
burning through the embers of each white wave and
dancing, running through the ebb and flow of this story.

IJM

I just learned more about this fabulous organization... International Justice Mission. They are involved in a myriad of human rights advocacy, particularly human trafficking. Check them out:

www.ijm.org

Not a Victim

Today I attened a local/global dialogue on women and AIDS. The panel was sponsored by the UNAIDS council on women and addressed ways to empower women and thereby fight AIDS. Yes, AIDS and HIV affect men as well, but for women, particularly in developing nations, women are disadvanted and often have little negotiating power within their relationships and circumstances. And as one woman on the panel put it, women are not the victims, they are empowered to take center stage in the fight against this pandemic.

In the Q and A, I asked about the influence of religion, both positive and negative, on the fight againt AIDS. The panelists had nothing but discouraging things to say. The representative from Honduras noted that there are so few ministers do anything to help the AIDS crisis that it is impossible to locate them. An antrhopologist and lobbyist both stated the importance of the church in fighting AIDS and lamented that getting churches to do anything about it is extremely difficult.

The representative from Zambia spoke of her pain in losing both her husband and brother to the disease and blaming God when she herself contracted it. The reigning idea taught by Christian churches in her country is that HIV and AIDS is a judgement. She spoke to a council of Zambian church leaders wearing a t-shirt that said "HIV is not a punishment from God--John 8:11". In forming a support group that now boasts 1000 members, she has found joy in the church again but finds is hard to locate a congregation that does not stigmatize people with AIDS.

I wanted to apologize to every panelist for the lack of action on the part of the Church. I told one woman that she had my word I would talk to my ministers about how to help with the AIDs crisis. Get informed... I was ashamed at the lack of knowledge and perspective I had about AIDS after the dialogue. I'll fight.

What They Learn

On the last exam I ask as a bonus question what that student learned that was most interesting or how their perception of history changed after taking the course. Many of them reveal how they liked learning about the First Ladies, how important the vote was, random trivia, or the significance and breadth of women's role in the historical process.

This time around one student wrote something to the effect of "I always thought the U.S. only intervened in other places when it wanted to help them, but now I know they don't really do anything unless they'll get something out of it. I love my country, but it's done some horrible things."

This young man swore into the military in the course of my class. To be honest, I'd much rather be the teacher that empowers and excites students about all the good things in history and their lives. But sometimes the best lessons are the hard ones, the ugly ones, that change the way we think about the world we live in. Hopefully, those lessons spur us toward change.

If we don't know injustice and walls exist, we can't resist them.

Why I Believe in Miracles

Simply, because they occur.

Things that could be attributed to modern medicine, or chance, or luck, but that really could not have occurred without phenomena. They happen all the time.

I don't see them, not most of the time. I rarely even hear about them.

Because we are all so caught up in the mundane, or the past, or the future.

But tonight I was part of one. The miraculous birth of a baby girl less than two pounds. God saved her life and the mother's, seconds from danger.

Life triumphed and God has heard.

Simply, we're all the miracle, caught up in grace because it bears us like a child, saving our lives and making us strong.

For Fletch

Profound notions
Obscure my connection
To what is real.

Bracing myself for pain,
I devote my psyche
To works of reason.

Feel, as if there is
No other choice.

Living, dying
We press on.

I am the one not in control
Of the fate of the world;

I lift up my hands
In surrender,
And resolve to particpate
Freely in the human struggle.

Touch my lips,
And I will speak.

Supercentenarians

Over 60,000 people in the world are over 100 years of age.
There are enough people at or over the age of 110 to have their own name... "supercentenarians".

In that case, I am not even one quarter of the way through my life.

The Way You Decide to Move

Step lightly, slowly, often. This is the key to forgiving the things you don't know and unlocking the things you do. Don't underestimate the power of interrupted discipline, particularly when it applies to moving along. The ugly desire to be all and do all should not overshadow the desire to live well, and to be, and to persevere on every small account. Dance, and dream, and decide to move past everything you can't, and find it all waiting in the sun.

Gonna Make It

Forced by beauty and design
I carry my own weights
And wait for You to
Take them off.
Healing is only easy when it's done for you,
Not when you actively pursue it
And wait.
What we don't see is what we can't hold,
What we hope for is what we can't see.
Creat fire to burn,
Release rain to engulf,
Exude light to enlighten.
And I'll thrash through the current
That leads to better living,
And to You.

Let Them Praise His Name with Dancing

I dance with a small modern/lyrical company comprised of women who desire to see the arts brought back into churches, particularly in the form of dance. I've been doing worship dance for nearly 10 years now, starting with the summer I was 15 when I trained at the Ballet Magnificat! School of the Arts. Ballet Mag. is a professional ballet company that uses dance to communicate the Gospel in creative ways. My company seeks to do the same thing, on a much smaller scale.

This Sunday I had the opportunity to dance three different places. I started in the morning at a First baptist church. That's right, a Southern Baptist church let dancers on their stage. We went on right after the handbells and the "mature" early morning congregation and robe-donning choir welcomed us with quietly whispered amens at the conclusion of our dance.

In the afternoon, I had the privilege to dance at a Hospice service honoring those who had passed on this last year. As I read the countless names in the program and listened to the conversations of grieving loved ones, I teared up and struggled to know how best to react. A woman whose mother had died from cancer introduced herself and told us her story. Many of the people there had never met one another before; they were connected in death. Just as we all are, connected and unified and brought together under the death of Christ, under His blood, and then unto life as we live under His resurrection. The parting words of the song we danced to: "Come to Jesus and live."

I finished out the day with the evening service at my emergent church, a community that celebrates the arts in tangible ways (a portion of our space is an art gallery) but it is still an honor to be able to worship there. This was a particularly intimate evening, just the guitarist/singer, a drummer, and me. The dance was truly improvisational as I had no choreography prepared save the chorus. I moved and felt the music and the people and the Spirit all at once.

Dance, in all its forms, crosses over boundaries in ways few things can. Movement can interpret God in ways that words and music cannot. And life provides movement that must be expressed in sacred places.

What the Bible says about...

The TNIV website (and others) have this reading plan exploring how we should be involved in social justice. I think it's pretty good:

Two Weeks on Social Justice

Day 1: Exodus 3 - God hears the cries of the slaves.
Day 2: Leviticus 25 - The year of jubilee, a time of economic revolution.
Day 3: Ruth 2 - A poor woman finds help.
Day 4: 1 Kings 21 - Elijah speaks to a land-grabbing, murderous king.
Day 5: Nehemiah 5 - Nehemiah demands justice for the poor.
Day 6: Isaiah 5 - Warning to fun-loving materialists.
Day 7: Isaiah 58 - Worship that God appreciates.
Day 8: Jeremiah 34 - Freedom for slaves.
Day 9: Amos 2 - Sins against God by his own people.
Day 10 Amos 6 - Warning to the complacent.
Day 11: Micah 6 - What the Lord requires.
Day 12: Luke 3 - John the Baptist tells how to prepare for Jesus.
Day 13: Matthew 6 - Jesus speaks on material things.
Day 14: James 2 - How to treat the rich and the poor.

The Homeless King enters the City

Let me hear sounds of joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. (Psalm 51:10)

Your Body is my body, bruised and broken and crushed.

Let the wounds You have allowed be healed.

Turn and save me.

Allow and disallow and remain.

Savior, sweet Savior, draw near and stay.

Let the words of Your mouth speak clearly.

Your Body is my body, restored and healed and whole.

Making it official

Today my sister got engaged... that's right, my little sister is now officially promised to become a Mrs.! He managed to keep it a surprise and the whole thing was really beautiful. A myriad of emotions have been my companion today, but I feel I am entitled to such dramatic tendencies on the day that my only sister and closest friend gets that all important ring.

In other news, I am now the official owner of a Mac. My conversion from pc is quite certain at this point and I really do love this ibook. It takes me back to the days of playing Oregon Trail on my family's Apple II GS, oh so many years ago. I like that mac's interface allows for more than one way to do things. Is it to much to suggest that the influence of postmodern thought processes have stimulated the sales of these computers? (I should have stopped at Oregon Trail... :)

Going back to Cali

Here's some pics from my recent (spontaneous) trip to California... the sun setting over the beach at Santa Monica and the mission in Santa Barbara, where I used to live. It was about 40 degrees the whole time I was there, but it was still great!

Roads

Finding that faith
Comes in sizes unforeseen,
I remember my previous refusal
To live inside a box.
I pride myself
On being alone,
Longing all the while
To commune intimately with others.
I let myself believe
That my own path is the best way,
That my own road less traveled
Marks the way to happiness.
But marked on that road
Are shortcuts and obstacles,
Where I find myself reevaluating
The consequences of directing
My own destiny.
Providence requires a great deal of
Surrender,
And when unassisted will immediately
Change the course.
And for that I am retrospectively
Glad.
I resolve to risk,
To underestimate,
To pursue the dreams
That seem so shelved.
And I will look for those dreams
In the form of many colors,
Dancing through
And seizing each moment
For what it is worth...
And that worth is found intrinsically
In the sweet wonder
That flows from imagination
And spiritual awakening,
Eyeing all odds and changes as simultaneously
Beautiful and terrible.
My own road is not yet completely determined,
And I surrender to walk it somewhat afraid,
Journeying into the sweet mist that clouds
So many of my plans,
Grateful for each
Day,
Struggle, and
Moment.
Live easy...

A Lenten Protest

Lent is the time when the Church historically observes a period of waiting in the weeks leading up to Easter. This time is to remind us of life before Christ, to encourage us to reevaluate our commitment to God, and to deprive ourselves of some necessity. So this year for Lent I am giving up… nothing.

I am not fasting from anything, I am not conducting extra rituals or spending more time reading the Bible, and I am not quitting any habits. I have followed this portion of the Lenten tradition in the past. Chocolate, caffeine, television, movies, and others have made the list of things I have given up (or attempted to do so) for that very long six weeks. I believe one year I fasted from Starburst jellybeans. But this year is different.

Perfectionism is one of my greatest struggles. It affects and influences my work, studies, relationships, and communion with Christ. I decided that I do not need one more thing for which to seek perfection, another task to make me crazy for fear I will not wholly accomplish it. Giving up anything would at this point induce me to obsess over the work of that fast.

If Lent is meant to further entrench the works mentality and fear of imperfection that I hold so closely, then I will not participate. If wearing an ashen cross on my forehead will equate me to a Pharisee because I desire to flaunt my piety, then I benefit no one from that display. If depriving myself from a pleasure leads me to find a substitution less healthy, then I have really fasted from nothing. If Lent is intended instead to spur believers to practice gratitude for salvation and to observe waiting in hope and expectation, then I will do so.

So in some ways I am giving up something. I am giving up on the suggestion that I need to be or do more than I am to be pleasing to God. I wait and I hope and I offer thanks. But for this year, that is all.

Peace

What follows are disjointed thoughts and questions, that all tie together somehow, but not necessarily in a coherent manner...

The February 26 Relevant Podcast features an interview with Don Miller in which he discusses a number of issues, including the war. Miller mentions that although Peace Studies programs are becoming more and more popular in American universities, only one Christian university has such a program (it was started just last year). Why are we afraid to talk about peace?

I am more and more of a pacifist. I think Christ teaches peace, loving your neighbor and yourself, living in harmony with others. Jesus did, of course, turn over money tables in the temple and loudly confront hypocritical leaders. But He communed with the unlovely, He loved everyone, and He invited all to join His Life.

Does it matter if I support the war or not? Yes. Does it matter more that I love my neighbor (meaning my brothers and sisters everywhere), myself, and my God? Of course.

And why is peace only mentioned when we are closely affected by or involved in war? Do we need a drastic and negative example of the opposite of peace to inspire us to consider it?

I helped with the kids at my church on Sunday evening and heard one of the mothers discussing with her 4 year old why hitting another boy was unacceptable... she provided a recent example of when he had been loving and went with him to apologize to the other boy. That is where peace begins, teaching children non-violence and the love of Christ in practical ways.

Following the tradition of non-violent resistance, what ways can I contribute to issues of social justice? Is my green "Save Darfur" bracelet really helping to save Darfur or am I just making myself feel better by wearing it everyday?

Peace Studies is a wonderful idea, but unless we are equipped to really love others and deal with injustice, it is merely an idea. We can talk about how to be peaceful all day, we can debate the benefits being anti-war, but in the end we need strategies, we need tactics, but most of all we need to let Christ's love fill us and overflow out of us. Trying to be peaceful on our own is entirely fruitless.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:27)

Black History Month

This weekend, American Shani Davis became the first African American to win an individual gold medal at a winter Olympics. Let me just say I found it quite appropriate that he made this history during Black History Month.

Which brings me to honoring other great African Americans. I look up a great deal to Black women. Nothing against men, of course, but the feminist in me is drawn to the strong women who work hard to overcome the "double bourden" of their race and gender. And not just to overcome it, but celebrate who they are as well.

Two of my favorite African American women in history are Ida B. Wells Barnett and Fannie Lou Hamer.

Wells-Barnett was banned from the South in the late 1800s when she used her journalist credentials to expose lynching. She later became a charter member of the NAACP, female suffragist, and American leader. My favorite Ida anecdote: When NAWSA and the National Woman's Party refused to let Black women march with them in the famous 1919 suffrage parade, Wells did something extremely brave. She and a few other Black suffragists stood at a bend in the road, where the parade could not continue without them. She stepped in the parade and marched with the others until the end.

Hamer, one of twenty children in a sharecropping family, was called a "latter-day female Ghandi." She first became involved in the Civil Rights movement through SNCC in voter registration after attempting to vote, in her 40s, for the first time. Her accomplishments are limitless, including food and clothing drives, running for senator, organizing projects to help poor, rural African Americans, and encouraging womens' involvement in Civil Rights. What I find most inspiring about Hamer is her drive, her desire to secure freedoms and respect at a later point in life, her sheer courage to defy her position.

My list goes on, but here's to also celebrating the people we don't know about, whose low-profile contributions to history are invaluable.

My Plans

"The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride." (Ecclesiastes 7:8)

Surrender my ideas
Of perfection,
Of time;
Take into account
Every factor
That makes things
Whole
And do not
Give in
To despair,
To failure;
Slow,
Breathe,
Endure.

Channeling St Valentine

How did we get so far from restoring sight to the blind?



From the Catholic Forum

Profile
Priest in Rome, possibly a bishop. Physician. Imprisoned for giving aid to martyrs in prison, and while there converted the jailer by restoring sight to the jailer's daughter. While Valentine of Terni and Valentine of Rome sometimes have separate entries in martyrologies and biographies, most scholars believe they are the same person.

There are several theories about the origin of Valentine's Day celebrations. Some believe the Romans had a mid-February custom where boys drew girls' names in honor of the sex and fertility goddess, Februata Juno; pastors "baptised" this holiday, like some others, by substituting the names of saints such as Valentine to suppress the practice. Others maintain that the custom of sending Valentines on 14 February stems from the belief that birds begin to pair on that date. By 1477 the English associated lovers with the feast of Valentine because on that day "every bird chooses him a mate." The custom started of men and women writing love letters to their Valentine on this day. Other "romance" traditions have become attached to this feast, including pinning bay leaves to your pillow on Valentine's Eve so that you will see your future mate that night in your dreams.

To Be, To Become

I am perpetually at odds with myself and the world. I don't often realize how small and big my life is, all at the same time. I am at once a 15 year old child and a 25 year old woman, that decade representing so much metamorphosis and yet none at all. The same things still try to hold me, to make me less able, to own me. Sometimes I am SuperWoman and can manage it all, and sometimes I can manage nothing. Don't leave everything to me, but don't leave nothing.

Try with mixed emotion to see who I am and help me believe it. I channel Aprhodite and Ungit to make me beautiful and brave, and fall into the Hope that has become my own. I am more than the banal qualifications given to Woman by her own sex and others, because my life emobodies the Image of the God who sees and knows and imparts. Do not roll your eyes at my desire to be more, to live the full life to which I am called. The ancient words and modern hearts all sing the same song of longing to be, to become. To feel, we must represent what we cannot hold.

Approaching the close of one chapter I race toward the end to see the fruits of my labor in a measurable end. How difficult it is to look back, to remember struggle and the hardest times that build up to now. How wonderful it is to beat against the current and end up in the safest and scariest place. So much fear and hope lie in the same moments. The same existential and eternal processes catch me up into the Story that is bigger than myself. Both scripted and improvisational turns in my journey lead me to be, to become, to believe.

And I, holding all these thoughts and feelings, take a deep breath. I dive headlong into all the beautiful and mundane things that make life come together into an abundant experience of You.

Relief Projekt

My good friend has just published her report on Swiss and German medical relief organizations. She spent 18 months putting it together, doing research in Germany and Switzerland and doing medical relief work herself in Mexico and Africa. The perspective is challenging and I encourage all of you to read it. The site also includes some really fantastic photos that she took on her adventures.

www.reliefprojekt.org

The Happiest Place on Earth

I got my pictures from my trip to Disneyworld earlier this month. I had never been so I found it to be quite magical! This pic was my favorite.

A Little Quiz

Yesterday was my first day teaching women's history... it was a blast! I have a sharp group of students and the gentlemen in the class who were not aware they signed up for women's history promised to have an open mind. I asked them these questions as an icebreaker to see what their preconceived notions hold. See what yours are. (Click on comments to see the answers)

True or False:

1. Most American women did not work prior to World War II.

2. Historically, the Deep South is a bi-racial society (black and white).

3. The March on Washington was initially proposed by a woman.

4. Women did not get the right to vote until 1920 in the U. S.

5. All feminists are bra-burning leftists.

6. The women’s rights movement began in the 1970s.

7. Women were not allowed in the military until the Vietnam War.

Women in the Emerging Church

My article, "Women in the Emerging Church", came out last month in Reformation and Revival Journal. It's in the December, 2005 issue, 14:3. I meant to post this sooner, but here it is now. You can get a subscription to the journal for a good price, or you can just buy the individual copy. Go to their website and check it out... the name of the journal is being changed to Act III Review, but for now go to Reformation and Revival.

Why I'm a Feminist, Part Five: The Future

I could continue talking about this forever (and I will). But I’ll wrap up this series with a discussion about what I would love to see the future entail for feminism:

~ An increased consciousness of women’s experience around the globe. American feminism is so focused on the U. S. that it misses the work and trials of our sisters/neighbors abroad.

~ A greater respect for faith. Faith-based and faith-supported feminist groups are on the rise, but the feminist community in general invalidates these causes because of their religious bases.

~ The involvement of younger women. Many teenagers and twenty-somethings are particularly ignorant today of feminist issues. Empowering and educating these young women will prove integral to the survival and breadth of the cause.

~ A broader definition of feminism. For example, in my opinion, abstinence, stay at home mom-ing, adoption instead of abortion, and dedication to a life of faith should all be seen as feminist choices.

~ Continue to speak for those who cannot speak for themselves. Many feminist organizations speak up for children, victims of abuse, and victims of many forms of marginalization. This should increase.

~ A unity of women and men across class, race, and religious lines. The American feminist movement has struggled for years to develop commonality across these signifiers and I think everyone will benefit from sharing the struggle with understanding and love.

Some of this is very idealistic, but no one would be anywhere without ideals. Today we are living in the hope of someone who went before us with the help of the divine hand that led us to new heights. Susan B. Anthony, who toiled for women's suffrage over 50 years and never herself had the privilege of the ballot, put it this way,

"Failure is impossible."

Why I'm a Feminist, Part Four: The Term

For those of you who agree that men and women are of equal worth and who work for and practice egalitarianism may have never thought of yourselves as a feminist. (This summer one of my friends was excited when I told him men could be feminists and he proudly sported the label). It might have never occurred to you that when you are okay working for a woman or when you don’t buy into misogyny that you are, indeed, practicing feminism.

You may not want to be a feminist. You may think the term has too many derogatory connotations, that it is too liberal and too weird, that it enables women to bash men and do whatever they want to do without any boundaries whatsoever. The label might imply that you are not a person of faith.

So here is why I use the term.

First, I do believe that men and women are of equal worth. I believe all the definitions I talked about in Part One.

Second, using the term connects me with a broader movement. I can work alongside others fighting for women’s rights in a wider context.

Third, it signifies a big part of my goals. True, my first goal is to know God and make God known (okay that’s two goals). But feminism does carry a big part of what I am attempting to communicate and achieve in our world.

Fourth, I don’t see an issue with defining myself as a feminist. Missionaries identify themselves as human rights or medical relief workers, for example. The term carries a lot of meaning but it does not exclude me from my faith.

Finally, the term “feminist” is, in and of itself, empowering. Women cite their choices as feminist from little changes like dying their hair to huge changes like becoming a CEO. Calling yourself a feminist can give you more meaning and confidence.

Happy new year to all!

Merry Christmas!

Blessings and joy to you all on this Christmas!


A Word from St. Nicholas

In my own heart I cannot separate Christmas
from that Boy Child born in Bethlehem
some two thousand years ago.

I believe that Boy Child
was the Child of the Divine Mystery,
and He came into the world for love of us all.

I believe He came to bring healing,
forgiveness,
reconciliation,
freedom, and peace.

I believe He also came to invite everyone
to forget themselves and remember the needs of others.

For me, the religious meaning of Christmas
is a source of deep joy.

You must understand that my message
echoes the message of that Child born so long ago.

I am not the offspring of the Divine Mystery,
only His unworthy servant.

I am Saint Nicholas,
and the religious meaning of Christmas
will always be close to my heart.

—"Saint Nicholas"

Why I'm a Feminist, Part Three: My Story

Some women can cite the exact moment of their “conversion” to feminism. My story, on the other hand, is more of a process.


Childhood shapes us in ways we don’t often fully acknowledge. I am the oldest of two girls and grew up with an inherent understanding that I could do or be anything. My parents encouraged me to try many things. The Bible was my central teacher for life and my parents repeated its lesson of “God loves everybody the same” over and over. My first big “when I grow up” dream was to become the first female president of the U.S. In all my eight-year-old wisdom I felt that a woman could run the country, and because someone had to be the first, it should be me.

My first interest in activism was in pro-life organizations. As a teenager I helped out at crisis pregnancy centers and abstinence programs. I remember thinking that pregnant women needed to be encouraged and assisted in keeping their babies and that abstinence was a brave choice that showed a woman’s respect for herself. I found the message of God’s love and spirit at work within me to be very empowering.

Skip ahead to college where I served as the first female president of the BSM at my university (see, some of my childhood dream came true). It never occurred to me that I shouldn’t hold that position, even though this was a Baptist organization we’re talking about. During my undergrad years I went through a phase where I didn’t want a male to open the door or to lift anything for me, as I felt that undercut my abilities (I have since come to realize the difference between chivalry and misogyny). I felt that a lot of people didn’t know what to do with me, a young, intelligent, Christian outspoken female who was neither a bookworm nor a member of sorority. People often told me I was “intimidating”.

I chose to go into women’s studies for several reasons. First, my self-proclaimed “raging feminist” history professor during my master’s study had a pretty big influence on me. Second, and most importantly, I hadn’t heard of any Christians in the field (since then I have met several). I wanted to help infuse it with the love of Christ and the Bible’s messages of equality and morality. I wanted to equip young women to view themselves as important and competent, to educate people about history that is typically ignored, to assist in the aid of women who cannot speak for themselves, and to cultivate understanding and compassion for both sexes. I wanted to make a difference, no matter how cliché that sounds. These goals have remained.

I didn't wake up one day and become a feminist. I had been heading in that direction for most of my life, I just articulated it differently at different points. My story is not finished… I might very well be at the height of my feminist consciousness at this moment. Or I might become more outspoken in the future, who knows. We’ll see.

Good Stories

A good friend of mine is writing a curriculum for a church telling the stories of Genesis and Advent in his own poetic words... It's a very impressive collection, so go check it out: http://genesisinmyeyes.blogspot.com/

Things that change

Pain of new birth
Awakens me to bring
The loved parts of me
To the surface.
Judging from my reflection
I am still too unworthy
To fly,
Though I see grace in progress
Every Day.
Uniting,
Disjointing,
Finding who we are
In the middle of it.
I am lonely,
Yet surrounded;
Longing,
Yet fulfilled;
Tired,
Yet full of life.
Posing all my intricacies
As depth incarnate
I press on,
And I wait,
And I move,
And I exult
In the One who does not
Change.

(Copyright LK, 12/16/06)

Letter to Lucy

Like many of you, I am a C. S. Lewis junkie. I believe Mere Christianity to be the sole training necessary in apologetics. I am Ungit and Redival and Psyche and I too want to wander away and see strange and wonderful things. I think Surprised by Joy is the most detailed and long autobiography but the most honest. And I find his articulation of grief extraordinary in my own mourning processes.

That said, I am re-reading the Chronicles with the book set that belonged to my schoolteacher grandmother when she read the entire series to her fifth-graders every year. I came across this letter to Lewis' goddaughter Lucy and I think it warrants attention. I often fear that I am in the span where I am too old and too young for fairytales. Then again, I am swept away by my imagination when I let myself be. And that is good.

--

My Dear Lucy,

I wrote this story for you, but when I began it I had not realized that girls grow quicker than books. As a result you are already too old for fairy tales, and by the time it is printed and bound you will be older still. But some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. You can then take it down from some upper shelf, dust it, and tell me what you think of it. I shall probably be too deaf to hear, and too old to understand, a word you say, but I shall still be

your affectionate Godfather,
C.S. Lewis

Why I'm a Feminist, Part Two: History

It would be impossible to identify the exact starting date of the feminist movement in the United States. History’s causes and effects are complex and deep rooted. Further, women have always contributed to history, even if not in the forefront. And keep in mind that there are layers of race, class, religion, nationality and other factors that complicate this history even more. So here is an incomplete list of feminist history landmarks in America’s story:

The women’s rights movement came in waves in the U.S., starting in full swing in the 1840s. Building on their platform as abolitionists, women spoke publicly about the need for women’s rights and held the Seneca Falls Convention in NY in 1848. The women and men present at this conference (organized by Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton) signed the Declaration of Sentiments , modeled after the Declaration of Independence, detailing specific rights they felt that women deserved.

It wasn’t until 1920 that women received the right to vote, after a long and sometimes violent battle. Since the inception of the United States, female citizens voiced their desire to speak their minds through the ballot (for example, First Lady Abigail Adams, who wrote to her husband reminding him to “remember the ladies”). Women donned the popular “Votes for Women” banners, consistently pestered the government, and educated the public on the need for women’s suffrage. “Forward out of darkness, forward into light,” goes the slogan of the National American Women’s Suffrage Association (NAWSA), and it paid off.

Jump ahead to the 1960s and 1970s when the women’s movement took the country by storm. Male-bashing, sexual liberation, anti-discrimination, workers, political, and reproductive rights along with organizations such as NOW took center stage. Crazy protests such as crowning a sheep Miss America in 1969 terrified the general public. Most women were lumped into one of two categories: the submissive housewife or the radical feminist. Feminists of the ‘60s and ‘70s pushed for legislation to ensure their equal rights and openly displayed their cause.

Check out Sara Evans' Born for Liberty for a good overview of U.S. women's history. Also, the LOC has a pretty good timeline of women's history in America.

Stay tuned for a discussion of how this history has contributed to what feminism is today…

Teaching Highlights

I have a really great group of students this semester. They are witty and sharp and half of them want to take my other class, which is flattering. Since the semester is nearly over I'm reflecting on highights of the semester, so here they are:

--I invited one student to be in the honors program, and it had not previously occurred to him that he was that good of a student

--After reading a book on female slavery (Arn't I a Woman_Deborah Gray White), a student told me she thought the author was arguing that the women were not accepted and were discriminated against. As slaves? I asked. No, as people, she replied. Very good.

--I tell my students to question everything, and of course they try that out on me.

--We watched a Civil War documentary and I commented that one day I hoped to be "that guy," referring to a bow-tied historian sitting in an armchair surrounded by books, giving his two cents about history. One student countered... "but not a guy, right?" That generated more laughter than any joke I planned.

--Preparing to play the second disc of the Glory dvd, I found the second disc of Gladiator in the case. That's what I get for ordering dvds on ebay.

--I was out sick and had a substitute fill in. The next class when I came back, a room full of grateful students looked back at me. The few "we missed you" and "welcome back" comments meant a lot.

I Do/n't

I don't know who I am
But I do.
I don't want to leave
But I do.
I don't follow the crowd
But I do.
I don't fear the future
But I do.
I don't know how to love
But I do.
I don't' need you
But I do.
I don't remember your face
But I do.
I don't save you
But I do.
I don't want to be alone
But I do.
I don't realize your luck
But do.
I don't care what you do
But I do.
I don't forget you
But I do.

(copyright LAK, 11/26/05)

Why I'm a Feminist, Part One: Definitions

"I have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat."
- Rebecca West, 1913.

I’ve been posting so much lately on my views about women in the world that I thought I’d expound on them. Being a Christian and a feminist simultaneously might seem really contradictory, but I disagree. So first, some definitions.

According to Webster’s, feminism is:

1 : the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes
2 : organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests

That’s a good start, but I would have much more to add to it. For starters, add “spiritual” to the above list. I’m going to define it this way (I'd welcome other additions):

1 : the belief in the equality of all people regardless of, and considering, gender
2 : the right to choices in all aspects of life
3 : see 2 above

A word about choices... The tenets of Christianity do not condone all choices, though we are given free will. Judging someone's choice is not what I'm talking about, but merely the right to exercise free will.

Finally, to quote the Femist Majority Foundation,

"Feminism is the radical notion that women are people."

Thanksgiving

We celebrated Thanksgiving a day early because my sister is working tomorrow. My immediate family, my brother, my aunt, two cousins, and our Canadian friend shared this table. We'll be eating leftovers for weeks!

Remember Relief

Tonight I volunteered at my church for a Thanksgiving dinner for hurricane evacuees. I spent most of the evening visiting with a 20 year old woman displaced with her 3 year old son, husband, and her mother. We've all heard these stories, but I will never get used to them.

For this family, they evacuated from New Orleans to Baton Rouge during Katrina. Then, they left to Atlanta in anticipation of Rita. They found no assistance in Atlanta so they relocated to Houston. While he was away working, she, her son, and her mother, were robbed at gunpoint. Due to the robbery she missed her shift at work and was subsequently fired. They again moved, this time to another part of Houston. They are now trying to get settled, they need basic things like a coat for the baby and beds.

It's the most remarkable thing, sharing in the suffering of someone else. I am by no means anywhere close to experiencing what she has, but I sat down and let her talk and held her son and gave her food, and I tried to be there. I didn't do much to help the relief effort shortly after these storms hit, but I'll do something now. I am going to call this family and give them the material things I can and try to help them. Please hold me accountable to this, it would be so much easier to let it go. But it's too important. They are too important. And God is our relief.

Cancer Survivors Survey

A friend of mine is working on her thesis in speech communications and needs participants for a survey. If you or someone you know is a cancer survivor, please see the info. below. I've been through the thesis process and I know how difficult it is, so contribute if at all possible. The thesis project is "Assessing the role of communication competence and social support between cancer patients transitioning to survivor roles and their oncologists." I feel that the study is groundbreaking and worthwhile, so there's my personal endorsement. Read on below.


********************************

Would you like to volunteer a few moments of your time by participating in a study for cancer survivors?

1. Are you also an adult over the age of eighteen years old?

2. Are you an individual who has undergone cancer treatment and is now in remission?

3. Do you have access to the Internet?

If you answered "Yes" to all of the above questions, you are eligible to participate in a study for cancer survivors. To find out more about how you can participate, please visit this website (http://www.class.uh.edu/comm/pages.asp?PageID=51).This study has been approved by the University of Houston Committee for the Protection of Human Subjects (713) 743-9204. The faculty supervisor is Jim Query, Ph.D., (713) 743-8608.

Thank you,
S. B.
University of Houston

Inesperado (Unexpected)

My foster brother just finished a Spanish cd and last week he had a release concert for it. He lived with my family for 8 years and I still consider him my brother. But we don't talk much, don't really have much of a relationship to be honest. I see him on holidays and a few other times a year. But he was really excited for me and my sister to come to his show, and we were excited and proud to be there. I always wonder if he thinks about us, if he cares about us or realize what we tried to do and be for him. I don't mean that in a selfish way, but it's hard not to wonder.

After the show he gave us each a cd. I came home and listened to it (it's amazing... quite a long way from when his only song on guitar was the star spangled banner, hendrix style). And I read the thank yous in the liner notes... on the third line, in black and white, I read "to my sisters, thanks for never giving up on me."

I haven't, and I won't, and I'm glad he knows it, and I'm glad I know he feels it.

Organizations for Women in the Church

The Center for Emerging Female Leaders in FL

Mission: To provide social, spiritual and learning opportunities for women to realize the fullest measure of their gifts in all areas of human endeavors. We will strive to do this by discovering, developing, giving voice and visibility to emerging and practicing female leaders in the church or society so they can lead and impact their immediate circles of influence positively.

My favorite quote: "We believe each person is a unique expression and therefore inherently valuable."


Inspire Women in Houston, TX

Mission: To inspire, train, and mobilize women across ethnicities and denominations through educational conferences, award events, gifts assessment and scholarships for biblical training.

My favorite quote: "Will you dare to take a chance for God?"




Note... these two organizations are valuable for both men and women. CEFL is a new find to me, but I know Inspire funds men as well. Both strive to create understanding and positive dialogue for all.

Safe?

"Aslan a man?" said Mr. Beaver sternly. "Certainly not. I tell you he is the king of the wood and the great Emperor Beyond the Sea. Don't you know who is the King of the Beasts? Aslan is a lion--the lion, the great lion."

"Oooh!" said Susan. "I'd thought he was a man. Is he--quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion."

"That you will, dearie, and no mistake, said Mrs. Beaver, "if there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking is either braver than most or else just silly."

"Then he isn't safe?" said Lucy.

"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver. "Don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."

from The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, by C. S. Lewis (76-77)

What's a Modern Girl to Do?

Last month Maureen Dowd wrote this article in the NYT Magazine. Her basic argument is that the women's movement of the 1970s produced a lot of conformity among women--women thought, dressed, and acted alike--and that today women have returned to that conformity, only now trying to conform in different ways. For example, early feminists embraced sexual liberation but vehemently opposed the notion that women should be sex objects. Today, Maxim covers are what women conform to, the message is be a sex object.

Conformity is stifling (apart from conforming our hearts and minds to be more like Christ). When my female students care more about shopping, pop culture, and boys than they do the history of women's rights and how much our mothers and fathers struggled to create a more egalitarian society, it frustrates me to no end. But on the other hand, what I want to be sure I am teaching them is to honestly analyze themselves and how contemporary politics and social mores affect them. I don't want to teach them to conform to all feminist ideals any more than I want them to conform to magazine covers and MTV reality stars.

Hopefully the trends will change and women will tire of Paris Hilton's example (don't even try to argue that she's a feminist!). History does tend to repeat itself so we shall see. I'm waiting for the day when a Christ-loving, feminine, Gloria Steinam can grace the cover of our most popular publications.

Mountain Harbor

I spent the weekend with my mom at Mountain Harbor, a place on Lake Ouachita in AK. AK is the 25th state so it fit quite appropriately with my recent birthday. (Does anyone know where TX fits in the line-up? I feel like I should know.) Here's some trip highlights:

--The view from Hickory Nutt Mountain
--Bathing in the hot springs
--Chaning leaves
--On horseback, spotting two bald eagles very close by in the Ouachita Mountains
--Listening to "On Fire" standing on the edge of a boat in Lake Ouachita
--Visiting a spa
--Spending time with my mom
--Scenic drives
--Clean air you can smell
--Clearing my head

Why Switchfoot Should Rule the World

1. They are the best band ever
2. They promote equality
3. They bring attention to world events
4. They don't compromise their spiritual beliefs
5. They have great hair
6. They appreciate the little people
7. They draw inspiration from C. S. Lewis and Plato
8. They make the word "stars" sound melodic
9. They are loyal to their fans
10. They bring a lot of hope!

(did I mention they are my favorite band?)

Twenty-Five

I was pretty bummed about this birthday at first. Many of my plans fell through and I just felt like I should be more at this point in my life (one of my biggest insecurities). Although many would say that feeling is irrational, and really, for the most part it is, birthdays make you think about the passing of time like nothing else. A good friend of mine whose birthday is very close to mine (we were even born in the same year) passed away this summer . I miss him. I'm seeing his favorite band in concert tonight and it will probably make me miss him more. Why am I celebrating this birthday and he isn't? There's really no explanation for that.

But now I'm excited about 25. All I have lost and gained this past year is making me stronger for the next. I had most of my friends together for my birhtday. I made some new ones. I'm seeing my favorite band, saw a modern dance show, ate Cuban food, my best friend is finally going to come in town, and I'm going on a trip with my mom. It's going to be a great year.

Here

Remembering that I am just one person,
I hold onto the light
That I cannot control.
I am complex,
Full of double entendres and
Multiple meanings.
Trying to redeem myself
And unequivocally failing,
Trying to unearth my joy
And generally falling short.
Hoping to see
That this is not the end
I lean on the hope
That I am more.
Find the music
Deep within,
Discover the story
Hidden underneath
These years of a broken girl
Yearning to breathe free
In light of all I have endured.

(copyright LAK, 11/04/05)

La Vida es la Lucha

This Spanish phrase means "the struggle is life." I heard that for the first time about one year ago, and at first I took issue with it. If life is struggle, then when is there rest? If life is fight, then where is there peace?

But the more I think about it, the more I like this phrase. There is peace and rest in struggle. Struggle indicates motion, whether it takes the form of passive resistance, full on force, or refusal to give up. The Zapatista movement says that the struggle is the destination, a philosophy that indicates that once we have resolved to resist and to attempt to make our lives better, we have reached a good place to live. Regardless of whether we accomplish that for which we are struggling, we have resolved to move. And that is our peace, that we persevere for something greater.

Discontent

"Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice."
(Psalm 51:8)


Discontent can take us several ways. It can bring us down so completely that we are unable to do anything. Or it can inspire us to make our lives better. Sometimes it takes being so completely unhappy with our circumstances to push us to bettering them.

Astros Fever

That's right, we're in the World Series. Even I, the non-sports fan, am beside myself with enthusiasm about this. I got a free ticket to Game 4 last Sunday and screamed so much I didn't have a voice for 3 days. Even BBC thinks this is cool (pic is from them). Really, they hit a ball with a stick for 4 hours. But I'm a sucker for anything that brings people together, so I'm not wearing socks this week and I'll watch the games and probably cry. What have I become? God only knows at this point. Go 'Stros!

Founder's Day

This Sunday I went to the fiftieth anniversary of the church where my parents met and married. Three generations--me, my parents, my grandparents--got to celebrate this together. My mom pointed out the stained-glass she always loved, my dad reminisced with a high school buddy about their "crazy" times, my grandparents introduced me to old Sunday school companions. Fifty years is a long time to be a church, particularly the same congregation meeting in the same place. A woman just bequeathed 1 million dollars to the church and they used it to build some much needed expansions. She had never been to the church, but the pastor visited her in the hospital everyday, and it touched her so much she wanted to give back.

What struck me most about this community was its diversity. About 15 years ago the church leaders decided that in the course of the following years they needed to hire a female, African American, and Hispanic minister in order to follow the teachings of Christ about inclusion. They've completed the first two tasks, and its evident. I sat next to an elderly African American woman who knew all the hymns by heart and stood for everyone, even though she had to use a cane to get up. Kids ran around together, it being perfectly normal to be around people of such different ages and races.

Sometimes it pays to be intentional. Sometimes we have to conciously seek diversity. This church would probably still have only white congregants if not for their decisions. I truly believe that Christ is inclusive and that God desires us to live in harmony with one another. Tolerance is one thing, but loving and living with people who are completely different than me is a totally different story. But the results... incomparable.

Filling Shoes

Some people try to fill the shoes of others; I’m just trying to fill my own. The great people never talk about burn out, or their failure or their doubts. Someone needs to say that it’s ok to become something you didn’t intend to be, or remind us that we have less control over everything than we think. I have walked many miles for the sake of moving forward, but I have also tripped and fallen and laid still for fear that I might disappoint. Few people would disown me if I decided to be less than great, but I would always wonder if I’m selling short of what I can be. I do everything on a large scale, unable to comprehend what life might be like if it was lived only for a few people and not for the world. I have such grandiose ideals and sometimes the world is just too hard to save. Teach me to do more than rely on my personal political. I am just one person, interconnected with all people and hoping for greatness even in the small things. Even there You will guide me and hold me fast.

Vita Sanctus

Since a lot of you have asked to see this I thought I'd post digital prints of the art exhibit. Now I hope you can also make it to Vine Street, but for those of you who don't live nearby here's our piece:





This is the statement that goes with it:

“From the womb to very old age, the sacredness of a woman's life is a vital part of 21st century feminism. These photographs tell the stories of remarkable women of varying races in different stages of their lives. Each woman—adopted children, mothers, and the unborn—hold stories and mysteries in their faces, skin, and scars.

The intentional markings on the women's bodies are derived from an ancient symbol representing the Creator reaching down toward humankind, and inresponse, humankind reaching up towards the Creator. The sideways markings represent the equality of humankind, and our need to love and be loved by reaching out to one another. Finally, the circle represents the completeness of life in all of its stages.”

Try

Time for the day to bring new things, for the end to be the second beginning and for my name to mean something more than it does. Inner workings transform the heart and mind and I am forgiven and changed. Frustrate the feet of the wicked for I cannot move too fast. I'll undo the undoing if it brings me to You, brings me to the land that I can taste but cannot feel. Surrounded by the light I press on, fighting the current and welcoming it, drawn to the past and my tomorrows.

Everybody Art Show

My roommate and I collaborated on an art piece and entered it into a juried exhibition. We've just received word today that our piece was accepted! The exhibit is for the Everybody Art: Show Us Your Feminism. Ours is a photographic exploration of the life cycle of a woman from the womb to very old age, incorporating symbols derived from ancient Christian symbols of God reaching down toward humankind and us reaching up to our Creator. The exhibit will be up for about three weeks in October.